Do Good Deeds In Secret

Finally got around to making myself a mask today. A few days ago I was met with the unexpected need for 20 at the food bank in town, and I had a few already done so I kicked into high gear and whacked up ten total which I delivered to the volunteer coordinator. I don't mind talking about this here, since the audience is rather private, and I don't mind sharing it anecdotally with my mom and BF, but I have always hated seeing people lauding their own works in any public forum. You do good things because there is a need for them, if you do it to be self-aggrandizing or to garner attention or in some manner to convince yourself that you're a Good Person (TM), then are you really a good person?

Two examples of this conundrum have assailed me recently. There's a lady in town who sews, like me, but not up to this point professionally. She's all over the mask-making forum on FB, and she's starting a business, which we'll call "Heather Sews" since the actual name does feature her real one. She's constantly offering to make masks for people, which is awesome, and charging them for the privilege, which makes me cringe. I get it, supplies cost money, but the cost seems high to me and she's ordering fabric in the assumption that people will continue to want them, which is a business model way of doing things. You invest in materials which you will later mark up to include your labor and charge people enough to make a profit. People need these masks. It's not a luxury item. I've offered publicly to make masks for people, but solely so that those who don't have them will know that they have an option for getting some. When they offer to pay me I tell them no, and that if they would like they may make a contribution to charity instead. It's not about providing for someone who can do something for me. More to the point, people have been sounding off online about how many masks they've made and for whom and just generally shouting their moral superiority from their keyboards, and it bothers me a lot. No, I do not join in.

The other example just came up when yesterday I had a massive migraine and was lying on my couch in pain trying to sleep it off, only to be audibly accosted by shouting and horn honking outside in my neighborhood. Social media told me today that a group of people have organized themselves to drive through the neighborhoods honking in support of healthcare workers. I have strong opinions. Firstly, there are more effective ways to help or honor our frontline healthcare professionals; buy them a meal, or a giftcard, or find out what they individually need and arrange to provide it. Secondly, they are probably not at home in the middle of the day so they're not even hearing you, just maybe hearing about it which seems to be the point (that someone will pay attention to the paraders not the healthcare workers). If they are home in the middle of the day it's probably because they work a night shift and are trying to fucking sleep, so let them do so by staying quiet. Thirdly, everyone is piling onto the public announcement that they'll be doing this daily, and it just looks a whole lot like people trying to be recognized as Good Person (TM). It's competitive niceness. How can I be a better person than you in the social arena of opinion? This is not the way to be if your true purpose is to do good things.

In my family on Christmas Eve we read stories one of which is the Story of Saint Nicholas and how he believed in "doing good deeds in secret," and although this is a relatively new story (we've only included it since about ten years ago or so) it is very much in line with my personal values. Now, my therapist (ex-therapist actually) liked to say to me that not everyone has to share my values, and I get that; but I do find the hypocrisy and the double-standard of acting like you're a doer of good deeds to be jarring, when you are in fact simply trying to prove to others that you are the best person in the village. Kindness, charity, helpfulness, should not be competitive or public things. I cannot be the only person who believes this.

I guess I need more than a garden and a library. I think I need a sense of fairness and honesty not just from myself, but from my community. Sounds like I'm destined for disappointment.