It's almost the end of January and it's taken me awhile, going back and forth about whether or not to undertake this blog, to actually get it started. The last few years have been...hard. There was too much loss and too much change; and while change by itself isn't a bad thing, it's not all that welcome and easy to adapt to when it's change you haven't initiated and which feels like it may not be leading to a realization of your dreams but farther and farther away from them. However, 2019 was, in many ways, a resetting of the posts. On some level things seemed to stabilize and there were some victories, and here we are, beginning 2020- my fortieth year of life with the big 4-oh birthday at the end- full of hope.
I've always had an affection for New Years as a time of new beginnings, of getting to start over, and I like to assess the past for its lessons and take a deep breath before plunging into a year with new energy. So here are some of my goals for this year:-
1) Pay down debt. Who among us couldn't stand to do more of this? I made some headway by paying off one of my credit cards last year, and this year I'd like to pay off a second one, without adding any to the remaining card. This will require a rather strict adherence to the budget, but it can't all be famine with no feast because, after all, it's hard to tell anyone that they can't have anything they want. It's easier to stick to goals if there are some rewards for good behavior. One of the great victories of last year was in realizing that, far from losing the home I've lived in for the last six years, I was actually able to buy my home. (Like most people I say it's mine, but my mortgage company might beg to differ.) Naturally I have lots of home projects, which will take up the bulk of my personal allowance.
2) Plant a garden. I wish the picture above was my garden, but sadly it is not (actual photos are forthcoming). I've never really had the ability to create a garden before, so I'm super excited to get started, and totally worried that I'll overextend myself so I'm trying to take it slow and start small this first year. Thanks to generous giftcards from a few people over the holidays etc I was able to start ordering plants and I've been doing as much research as I can, not just lately but for years as a sort of sad, purposeless hobby. I've got a greenhouse coming this next week (my big February purchase allowance) and seeds just arrived this afternoon, so I'll be getting started on seedlings next weekend I hope.
3) Fix up house. This is a series of smaller projects on a list that is ever-expanding, but already this month I've come close to completing the redecorating of the office into a bedroom. When my ex-husband moved away it became a really drab, liminal space and I dithered over what to do with it finally making a Venn diagram of possibilities to help me determine how it could best suit all of my potential needs. So now it's a guest room, suited best for a child, but not completely juvenile and possessing many storage options since one of its' needs is as a storage room for files and books and odd things. The front porch is the next major space to be re-hauled, but there are lots of smaller things to be done before then while I wait for the season to turn.
4) Answer important questions about the future. At my age I stand in a kind of doorway not sure if I'm going to walk through it or not. This is the case for most obviously motherhood, but also other things as well as I try to determine the future of my career, my current relationship, and myself. I have a sign on my office door, meant mostly for my students, but it says "The greatest project you will ever work on is you." I can't think of anything more true, and I'm hoping this year to make some progress on that project as much as anything else.
5) Become more fit and healthy. I'm not unhealthy. I've put on about twenty pounds over the last six years, but that has a lot to do with stopping riding lessons (financially unable to continue with them), and my metabolism slowing down as I age. I just had my yearly exam and my doctor sent me some literature about the Mediterranean diet which she thinks I should try, which makes me laugh because it's already pretty much how I eat. Probably wasn't a great idea to have my blood work done right after the holidays. Oh well. What I really need to do is get more and better exercise. That plan needs some evolving.
6) Become better informed about diverse subjects. I made a list of the things I feel under-informed about and am choosing one per month to really delve into and learn as much as I can with the time I have. This month has been devoted to gun laws and gun control. It was a random roll-of-the-dice kind of selection that made that the first topic, but as I live in VA it has proven really helpful with the new legislation proposed by lawmakers here, and the recent controversial rally in the state capitol. I'm challenging things I think I know, and finding out where some commonly-referenced stats come from, and reading a ton about influential cases which have changed our understanding of the issues. My initial exploration was four pages of yellow legal pad paper, so this has been really satisfying as a query even though I don't feel any closer to simple answers. I suppose if there were any it wouldn't be such an oft-debated issue.
So that's the set up. I do feel proud coming to the end of the month; I've added a desk, planned the garden not just for this year but years to come as it grows (pun intended), made a spreadsheet for the plants, ordered a greenhouse, built and started a compost unit, housebroken the dog and had her spayed, researched gun control to a point where I feel like I understand it better, had the property surveyed for utility lines before I cut into it for the new beds, prepped and started teaching a new semester, scheduled a visit with a friend, and finished designing costumes for a show.
Next time maybe we'll talk food. One of my favorite subjects.
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